hey everyone should go follow themattyhealy bc they’re rad as heckie ok
champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends // fall out boy
send this to your friends in the middle of a chat and they will go slowly insane
this is me about 98 percent of the time.
help me, i am trapped
in a haiku factory
save me, before they
This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.
CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:
- do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
- go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
- if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
- look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
- the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
- works every time
"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING
"A big part of the story is lost when it becomes a movie."
a whole lot more is lost if you cut a giant ass hole through it